Friday, March 6, 2009

Emotional Attraction.

THE "EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION" THAT WILL MAKE A MAN ADDICTED TO BEING CLOSE TO YOU

Let me talk for a moment about the reasons WHY it's important to do this. Remember, when it comes to ATTRACTION, all of the "logic" changes. You have to stop thinking about what you've learned about being "in touch" with ALL of your emotions and realize that a man's ATTRACTION isn't triggered by you being EVERYTHING that you feel. That's a nice fairytale, but it's a lie.

Your friends, your parents and your girlfriends might give you "unconditional love" an understanding in this way, but men won't start to feel love, passion and connection with you if you're playing out ALL the things you feel with him. So I have TWO good reasons why you need to learn how to own your emotions around men:

1) If your emotions "own you" early on, you probably won't even be able to talk to him or date in a fun and spontaneous way that men crave. You'll just be too FREAKED OUT to even get to the good stuff with him - and God forbid, help him see his way through all his potential hang-ups.

(Not that you want to...lol)

2) Men aren't ATTRACTED to women who let their emotions control them all the time and drive their interactions. This is ESPECIALLY true when women act needy or overly sensitive to anything the guy does or says. Overly needy women will never figure out how to get to that fun, playful, risky, passionate state with a man that brings him close and spells "long-term girlfriend material" in his mind.

We talked about the first reason already. Let's talk about the second one.

Why don't men like women who are overly emotional?

Because men NEVER feel ATTRACTION for women that they can CONTROL. The more control a man has over you, the less ATTRACTION he feels for you. The less of a CHALLENGE you are - and the more PREDICTABLE you become - the less ATTRACTION he feels. It's very simple.

To put it another way; if you're the type of woman who lets her emotions TAKE OVER, then you need to learn how to "own" them. If you don't, you're going to have a VERY hard time succeeding with men after a date or two.

THE FIRST STEP...

I think that the first step in learning how to own your STRONG emotions is to realize how they're created or "triggered." Most strong emotions are TRIGGERED. Something happens that "pushes a button" inside of you and BAM!... the emotion happens before you even have a chance to think about it. But the fact is that these "triggers" have a structure to them. There are all kinds of little things that happen during that "trigger." One of the biggest insights that I've had about these "triggers" is that they're usually caused by making something that happens MEAN something negative.

In other words, it's not the actual situation itself that "pulls the trigger" or "pushes the button"... it's what you think it MEANS. For instance, let's say that you've met a great guy, went on a few amazing dates, and then he wasn't as quick to call you and make plans as he was at the very start.You wait a day or two, and he doesn't even call.

What do you usually think?

"Maybe he doesn't like me. Maybe he has a another woman. Maybe he's trying to avoid me. Maybe he's withdrawing like those other guys did in the past." In other words, we make the fact that he didn't call back MEAN all these different things.

Another HUGE insight I've had in this area is that women allow their imaginations to take over
and imagine the WORST possible outcomes. Then they get nervous about that outcome happening and FREAK OUT. The point is that most of us (men and women) use our minds to imagine the WORST possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations... and it pushes all the wrong buttons, and gets us all nervous and upset... which, of course, makes us screw everything up.

When it comes to men, it's important that you lose the need to make everything MEAN something...and STOP imagining the worst. Think about those situations when a man doesn't call you back... or plays hard to get. Yeah, thinking that someone is playing games sucks, but the belief that there's a "game" going on is exactly the kind of negative meaning I'm talking about.

If you immediately start to wonder where he is... what he's doing... and who he's with, you 
create the game in your mind. Then you make up pictures in your mind of him out with other women, doing fun things without you, etc., and it's really upsetting.

Bad idea.

This is the kind of thing that makes us do all KINDS of stupid things that scare the other 
person away... like calling 100 times a day, asking where he was and what he was doing, etc. Instead, start doing yourself a favor and:

1) Visualize your ideal outcome.

2) Make POSITIVE meaning out of the experience for yourself.

If he doesn't call you back right away, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let him go), and make it mean that when he finally DOES talk to you, he's going to be even MORE interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other.

If he tells you he's not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, realize that he's first of all feeling that way because he REALLY likes you and has had to think about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong. He's scared of his deep feelings for you and doesn't know how to deal with that yet. And that once he figures it out for himself, he'll miss you and want you... and you don't have to be there waiting around for him to grow up.

There's nothing wrong with you or how you are. And it's great that you got to see this problem of his early on, and that it's his to deal with. Does this stuff sound strange? Well, I'll tell you something...All of the women I know who end up in great long-term relationships, with great attractive men think this way. This is their mindset.

Have you ever noticed that confident people seem to get more confident...

That optimistic people tend to get more optimistic...

That people who believe in luck seem to get more and more lucky...

And that people who are negative seem to become more and more negative?

It's almost like a universal magic. The more we expect things to go well, the better they go. Try it; it works. Also, start noticing those particular things and situations that trigger your strong "negative" emotions. Learn to spot the signs that it's about to happen, and then learn how to keep yourself centered. If you can learn how to do this, the quality of ALL your relationships in your life will improve DRAMATICALLY. Especially with men.

Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

It's also important to learn how to improve your self-image, overcome FEAR, maintain your
emotional and physical attractiveness, and communicate using your "truest" indicator of desirability to a man - your body language...